The Importance of Teaching Your Kids About Sex

Hannah Cheung

The importance of sex education

Many parents are afraid to provide sex education for their children and struggle to know how much to teach and at what age they should begin (1). Parents have been identified as ideal sex educators because of their ability to provide information that is time-sensitive and responsive to the needs of their children (2).


Unfortunately, research has shown that a lack of parental communication skills can cause children to be avoidant and anxious about sexual topics (3). Additionally, parents tend to be hesitant to talk to their children about sex due to a self-perceived lack of sexual knowledge, personal discomfort, or general communication issues (4). Parents also expressed concerns about sex education possibly encouraging sexual experimentation because they struggled to promote abstinence when sex education of their children was left to them (5).


Further, sex education in the United States tends to focus on pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease prevention without focusing on holistic sexual health, which includes topics including healthy relationships, sexual pleasure, and the skills to achieve both (6). In a survey distributed to adolescents, the most frequent questions centered around sexual interaction, the logistics of first-time intercourse, relationships, masturbation, and pornography (7).

Why should I teach my kids about sex?

Parent communication extends beyond lowering the future sexual riskiness of their children's behavior because sexual health in childhood can guarantee sexual health in the upcoming years (8). The best way to promote sexual health in children is to provide a safe environment where they can experience normal sexual growth as well as prevent cases of sexual abuse. 



Experiencing a higher perceived quality of education about sex with their parents was associated with lower chances of having one or more sexual problems (9). An environment of safety surrounding sexuality and conversations about sexual topics will ensure sexual health in the future. Sex communication with mothers specifically was associated with "less perceived difficulty talking to partners about sexual topics" (10). 


With all of these benefits in mind, the question remains: How do I talk to my kids about sex?

Open modes of communication by answering their questions 

The role parents have in children's sexual socialization greatly influences the sexual health of adolescents and young adults. The topics taught play a large part in shaping adolescents' decisions regarding their sexuality. Unfortunately, many parents are unsure how to effectively communicate about sex with their children. The average number of times parents provided some kind of sexual education amounted to only one or two times.


A large part of providing holistic sexual education to your child includes treating the topic of sex like any other your child may ask questions about. Respond calmly and confidently to show that sex is an appropriate topic for them to ask about. There are a few ways to kick start conversations about sex:


  • In elementary and middle school, give them books about anatomy or puberty and let them explore independently. Check in with them to ask what they learned and what was confusing and answer any questions.


  • Check in with them regularly about what's going on with them and their peers at school. Ask them how they feel about their friendships, and help guide them through any troubles they're having.


  • Once they're older, ask them about crushes, dating, or relationships. Ask them how they think they'll know when they're ready to have sex, including the responsibilities that come with it (like preventing unintended pregnancy and STDs).

Refer to body parts by anatomically correct names

Parents often respond to their children's questions with avoidance, and sometimes based on their religious beliefs (11). In a study completed in 2011, it was found that mothers tend to avoid using the proper anatomical terms of genitalia with their children and would instead use euphemisms such as "weenie" or "coochie."


This is ultimately to the child's disadvantage because proper anatomical terms and evidence-based education are essential to help children and adolescents make safe, positive, and informed choices about healthy relationships, sexual activity, and reproductive health (12). 


As soon as kids start learning to talk, you can teach them the names of the parts of their bodies. As soon as they start being around other kids, you can teach them about respecting other people and talking about their feelings. This lays the groundwork for healthy relationships and boundaries later on.

Tips for answering their questions

  1. Don't jump to conclusions about why they're asking what they're asking. You can say: "Can you tell me what you already know about that?" or "What have you heard about that?"

  2. Keep your answers short and simple, and explain new words that your kid might not have heard before.

  3. After answering, keep the conversation open. You can say: "What other questions about stuff like this do you have?" or "What's going on in your life/at school that made you think more about this stuff?"

  4. Check their understanding. After answering a question, you can ask, "Does that answer your question?" or "What do you think about that?"

  5. If you don't know the answer to something, you can look it up on your own or together. You can say, "I'm glad you asked that question. I'm not sure how to explain it/what the answer is. Let's look it up!"


Remember, it's okay if you feel a little awkward or if you or your kid get embarrassed. Try to work through your embarrassment. It'll be worth it for both of you. Plus, the more practice you get answering tough questions, the easier it becomes. 




References:

  1. Hyewon Shin, Jung Min Lee, & Ji Young Min. (2019). Sexual Knowledge, Sexual Attitudes, and Perceptions and Actualities of Sex Education among Elementary School Parents. Child Health Nursing Research, 25(3), 312–323 Jang HJ. Effects of sex education programs for preschool parents [master's thesis]. Seoul: Hanyang University; 2016. p. 1-74.
  2. Krauss, B. J., & Miller, K. S. (2012). Parents as HIV/AIDS educators. In W. Pequegnat & C. C. Bell (Eds.), Family and HIV/AIDS: Cultural and contextual issues in prevention and treatment (pp. 97–120). New York, NY: Springer
  3. Afifi, T. D., Joseph, A., & Aldeis, D. (2008). Why can’t we just talk about it? An observational study of parents ’and adolescents ’conversations about sex. Journal of Adolescent Research, 23(6), 689–721
  4. Jerman, P., & Constantine, N. A. (2010). Demographic and psychological predictors of parent-adolescent communication about sex: A representative statewide analysis. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 39, 1164–1174.
  5. Aronowitz, T., & Agbeshie, E. (2012). Nature of communication: Voices of 11–14-year-old African-American girls and their mothers in regard to talking about sex. Issues in Comprehensive Pediatric Nursing, 35 (2), 75–89
  6. Kantor, L. M., & Lindberg, L. (2020). Pleasure and Sex Education: The Need for Broadening Both Content and Measurement. American Journal of Public Health, 110(2), 145–148.
  7. Bauer, M., Hämmerli, S., & Leeners, B. (2020). Unmet Needs in Sex Education—What Adolescents Aim to Understand About Sexuality of the Other Sex. Journal of Adolescent Health, 67(2), 245–252.
  8. Aboksari, Z.B., Ganji, J., Mousavinasab, N., Rezaei, M., Khani, S., (2020). A review study on educational interventions promoting sexual health of children under 12 years. Journal of Pediatrics Review 107-199.
  9. Foshay, J. E., & O’Sullivan, L. F. (2020). Home-based sex communication, school coverage of sex, and problems in sexual functioning among adolescents. Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 29(1), 25–31.
  10. Hutchinson, M. K., & Montgomery, A. J. (2007). Parent communication and sexual risk among African Americans. Western Journal of Nursing Research, 29(6), 691–707.
  11. Martin, K. A.; Verduzco-Baker, L.; Torres, J & Luke, K. (2011). “Privates, pee-pees, and coochies. gender and genital labeling for/with young children.” Feminism and Psychology, 21 (3). 420–430.
  12. Breuner, C. C., & Mattson, G. (2016). Sexuality Education for Children and Adolescents. American Academy of Pediatrics.


Additional resources:

Books to teach kids about sex:

  • Ages 4-8: “Where did I Come From? The Facts of Life without any Nonsense” by Peter Mayle
  • Ages 4-8: “Amazing You! Getting Smart about your Private Parts” by Gail Saltz
  • Ages 4-10: “What’s the Big Secret?: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys” by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown
  • Ages 9-12: “It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health” by Robie H Harris and Michael Emberley
  • Ages 6-12: “It’s So Amazing! A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families” by Robie H Harris and Michael Emberley


Resources for parents:

  • “Talking to Your Kids About Sex: turning ‘the talk’ into a conversation for life” by Dr. Laura Berman
  • “Sex Positive Talks to Have with Kids” by Melissa Pintor Carnagey
  • “Talking to Your Kids About Sex: How to Have a Lifetime of Age-Appropriate Conversations with your Children About Healthy Sexuality” by Mark Laaser
  • “The Focus on the Family Guide to Talking with Your Kids about Sex: Honest Answers for Every Age” by Baker Publishing Group
  • “A Chicken’s Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex” by Kevin Leman and Kathy Flores Bell

Share this post

The Role of Prison Staff in Preventing Sexual Assault at Pasadena Jail

By Naomi Cook, Guest Contributor • March 30, 2023
Located in Pasadena, TX, is the Pasadena Jail, and on this page , you can know how many inmates stay out their full terms in prison or be held temporarily until they are routed to another prison in the state. One of the biggest concerns and approaches that Pasadena Jail staff is taking in recent years is the statistics surrounding prison inmates and reducing sexual assault at their facility, and the role of prison staff in preventing sexual assault at Pasadena Jail for it is crucial. It is essential for staff to create a culture of zero-tolerance for sexual assault and to hold perpetrators accountable for their actions. By actively working to prevent sexual assault, prison staff can create a safer environment for inmates and ensure that justice is served.

How to Use Online Dating Apps Safely

By Teresa Siqueira, Porch.com • October 13, 2022
The ultimate guide to dating app safety

Domestic Violence: Don’t Sweep It Under the Rug

By Lavatria Williamson • October 1, 2022
The National Domestic Violence Hotline estimates that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience domestic violence. That is roughly 33.3% and 25%, respectively. If so many people in our community are being affected by domestic violence, then why aren’t we talking about it? Although Black people are disproportionately affected by this detrimental disease, it has somehow become ingrained in the very root of our cultural identity. Every day there are media headlines being posted on social media about celebrity couples engaging in physical violence. Rap songs are glorifying toxic masculinity including the oversexualization and objectification of women. Even frustrated parents are turning to physical punishments to discipline their children. In August 2022, rapper Blueface and his girlfriend, Chrisean Rock, got into a physical altercation in Los Angeles. This incident took the media by storm. Thousands upon thousands of people flooded comment sections with jokes and memes, essentially making light of the situation. Many may think of the story as comical, but domestic violence is never funny. It is a community issue that has plagued Black families for generations. The reason that this issue continues to permeate is due to the lighthearted way that Black people discuss serious topics. Statistically, we face higher cases of poverty, racism, low educational attainment, and domestic violence. This is likely due to the historical context in which Black people have existed in this country. When you live in a country where racism and sexism are rooted in the cultural context and institutional processes, it can make other issues seem less important or less dire, but domestic violence is indeed life or death. By having open dialogue and calling out problematic comments and jokes, we can start to make positive changes in our community and ensure the success of future generations. Disagreeing with your significant other is a normal part of any healthy relationship. However, name-calling, intimidation, stalking, sexual violence, physical violence, financial abuse, and emotional abuse are not. You are deserving of healthy, honest, and stable relationships free from the ugliness and toxicity of abuse. Let’s change the conversation and bring awareness to domestic violence and sexual assault. If you or someone you love are in an unhealthy relationship, please consider asking for help. To learn more about domestic violence visit: http://thehotline.org/

Meet Kacie Parrish, One of Arkansas's Top 40 Nurse Leaders Under 40

By Taylor McKinney • September 2, 2022
An interview with Kacie Parrish, a rising leader of NWA Forensic Nurse Team

What Women's History Month Means to a Mini-Millennial

By Carly Palozola & Sandra Gibbons • March 1, 2022
A Gen Alpha's take on Women's History Month

Black History Month & Why It Resonates With Our Mission

By Prentis Grayson • February 1, 2022
Black History Month (formerly known as African American History Month), originated in 1976, when it was officially recognized by then-President Gerald Ford during the United States Bicentennial Celebration, but its celebration began many years before. It's important to acknowledge that the history of Black Americans began many decades earlier. In this article, we will dive into what Black History Month is, how it started, and what it means to the NWA Center for Sexual Assault.
More posts