Dear John Doe: Dating Someone with Depression

Jane Doe

April 2020

Mr. John Doe

123 Address St

Anytown, AR 12345

 


Dear John Doe,


I hope this letter finds you in high spirits. 


First, I want to apologize for canceling our last outing together. I know I've been distant over the past few weeks. I don't want to make excuses for my behavior or tell you that you can't feel what you’re feeling. I enjoy and cherish our friendship, so I want to explain where my head's been. And part of that is sharing the details of my mental illness with you. 


I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and the depression is something I've struggled with throughout my life. Clinical depression is a mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities causing significant impairment in daily living. But that’s just a textbook definition. So, if you'll allow me, I want to explain what that means for how I connect to people, and the world.


The first time I can recall feeling depressed—even though I didn’t fully know what it was at the time—was during my junior year of high school. My parents had announced they were getting a divorce. I lost interest in hanging out with my friends and playing basketball. All my passions seemed to just...burn out. 


Things, of course, have improved over the past 13 years, but there are days when I lose connection to my loved ones and passions. The feelings come up as sadness and loss of interest. It not only changes how I feel but my actions. My sleep, appetite, energy level, concentration, daily behavior, and my self-esteem all become captive to my depression.


As I stated earlier, things have improved over the years because I sought out therapy and was prescribed medication while I worked on creating a reliable support system. 


I've created a list of things I believe you should know to help understand me better:


  1. Depression is more than just feeling unhappy or fed up for a few days.
  2. Depression affects people in different ways and can cause a wide variety of symptoms.
  3. I can't just "snap out of it." And many times, I'm not even sure why I feel sad. I just do.
  4. I don't want to hurt you. Just know that I tend to shut down and push others away on my bad days.
  5. I appreciate your kind words—even if I seem unappreciative.
  6. Depression can affect various things in my life, like my relationships, work, and school.
  7. I am not weak because I have depression.


I want you to understand my illness because I am aware that on days I experience these symptoms, I seek out solitude. I don't want to push you away. I value our friendship, each and every day whether I'm able to express it or not. I know sharing these may be a lot, or may not make perfect sense, but I hope it will help your understanding of me.


If you want to know more, I'm open to answering any questions you might have. I miss you, and I look forward to hearing from you, John.

 


Kind regards,


Jane Doe

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